working momma stories - just a rant

despite having "eased" into the full-time work schedule by starting part-time work since january this year, the first 2 months (since mid march) of being a working momma has required some getting used to. the somewhat less flexible start time each weekday and having to take public transport to work has necessitated me waking up sometimes by 6.30am to do a round of pumping before heading out with pump equipment and cooler bag in tow, and cramming with the train crowd. not the best way to start each day, but what needs to be done, has to be done.

after the work day ends, it's quite a mad rush to get home as soon as possible so that i can relieve the MIL and catch baby before her bedtime. doing her whole night-time routine is my "quality time" with baby everyday given that i only catch a few moments with her every morning, so i try to get home fast. this also means having to give most social stuff a miss on weekday evenings. sometimes i'd like to have a bit more flexibility and time on my own after a whole day of being lectures and/or site visits, but in the end, getting to see baby before she sleeps usually trumps the other competing "wants". 

after baby goes down for the night, i really feel rather worn out and brain drained such that i just want to do NOTHING, and not contemplate doing any extra work around the house (like dish washing and laundry and cleaning). i wish i could muster enough energy to do other stuff, even read a book, but spacing out in between the two pumping sessions that i do before midnight just seems so much more enticing. 

and yes, did i mention that there are the two pumping sessions at night? which means i don't get to sleep before midnight (or sometimes 1am if i'm doing other stuff). urgh.

in the end, it's about making choices.

choosing to still continue with exclusive pumping instead of switching baby over to formula.

choosing to work instead of staying at home.

choosing to make baby a priority instead of work.

choosing to juggle baby and work instead of just concentrating on one or the other. 

some of these choices require more time and effort on my part, and sometimes i feel really conflicted ... because there are times where i'd really like to do other things and have more me-time. 

so yes, i'm trying to squeeze out some time for myself where i can - taking up golf lessons again with some of the coursemates, and sometimes taking advantage of earlier end-times at course to just do my own stuff for an hour or so before heading home to baby. it's a good feeling, but i also find myself even more tired at the end of the day. 

URGHHHHH. this is such a depressing post. but i know that later on i'll be in bed scrolling through photos of baby and just going awww, so cute, and realising again that it's all worth it in the end.